The Marvelous Adventures of Miss Mary Sue
by RoseRed Tittyfish
Summary: The boys encounter a person from Charles' and Pickles' pasts. But is she really what she seems? PicklesxOC, S/T. Rated M for later chapters. Fail summary is fail.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Had an idea, just wanted to try it out. I was about to go to sleep, when BLAMO, story idea. Had to write it. Hmm probably some smut in the later chapters,definite Mary Sue death later on. Without further interruption, I give to you The Marvelous Adventures Of Miss Mary Sue, chapter one c: Enjoi. **

* * *

'twas a normal day at Mordhaus. Well, at least for the boys. Over the past few months, Charles had been overloaded with paperwork, even more so than usual. He never had any time for his boys anymore, and they were getting into more trouble as a result. He decided, reluctantly, that he needed help.

_But who?_ he thought to himself. It needed to be someone he could trust. Someone who he _did _trust. They needed to be able to protect his boys from danger if Charles himself couldn't be there (god forbid that ever happen), and smart enough to work them out of any tight jams that Dethklok may put themselves in. Someone who could break up Scandinavian squabbles, deal with temper tantrums, and help Toki if for some reason he became catatonic. And last but most _certainly, definitely _not least, someone who could withstand, er, _Eau de Murderface. _Eugh. Suddenly, the perfect person came to mind. Charles smiled inwardly. This was gonna be fun.

"Boys, I have an announcement." Charles waited for any sign that the boys had heard. When he came up with nothing, he simply continued.

"As you may recall, I have been very, ah, busy, lately. There will be someone coming here to Mordhaus to help me. Anything, any problem that you would normally come to me about, you will go to her inste-"

"Wait. Hold up. It'sch a lady?" Murderface interrupted.

He fixed his signature glare on The bassist. "Ah, yes. Yes she is. And don't even think about it, Murderface. She was trained in hand-to-hand as well as weapons close hand combat by the best."

His gaze turned to Skwisgaar. "Skwisgaar, don't try anything, either. She won't hesitate to hurt you because you're, ah, pretty."

"Well, is she hot?" Pickles inquired.

"Ahhhhh, She is a very attractive woman, yes. I believe you two were close, in your Snakes n' Barrels days. Her name is Amber Sandvik.

Pickles' mind automatically flew to a picture he kept. It was always in a little box in a false bottom of his nightstand. the picture was of a girl, young, maybe 17, with had luscious honey-coloured hair that cascaded down her back in a flurry of loose blonde strands, and A dazzlingly perfect smile among full, lush lips. An ice blue streak crossed through one of her otherwise chocolatey brown eyes. She was tipping a nearly empty battle of Jack Daniels to the camera, and her cheeks sported A healthy flush from the alcohol. One arm was slung around a completely hammered Pickles, who had just turned 18, and Tony was on her other side, planting a kiss on her cheek. A good deal of memory he lost in a haze of booze and drugs, but she seemed to stick out in his mind more than anyone else. She'd been smart, smarter than him (not that that's a large accomplishment), even though he'd met her at 15 and she had no formal education past age 12. She'd been completely badass, an amazing fighter. Once, when Bullets had picked a fight with four burly, angry, bikers at a bar and then been too drunk to actually do anything but stand there, she stepped in and put all four guys on the floor either in pain or unconscious in the blink of an eye. _That was a riot, _he chuckled to himself. If Pickles had had an amazing tolerance to alcohol, hers was simply _inhuman. _ he remembered the times she'd stayed with him to make sure he didn't asphyxiate on his own vomit, when she would hold his hair and rub his back when he was puking, and wipe the streaming rivulets of eyeliner that would track down his face, all while fighting her own hangover._ She was so sweet_ He remembered how after fights with his lover Tony, near the end of Snakes n Barrels, she would hold him and dry his tears and whisper words of comfort softly into his ears, sitting through his wails of despair, his tantrums, because every time Tony walked out, he was sure that it was the last.

_He's not coming back this time, Amber. I just know it. Sammy and Snizzy won't find him, he'll overdose in an alley somewhere and die there, oh god!_

_ He'll be okay, Pickles. He always is. If they din't find him, I'll look for him myself. I'll make sure that everyone comes home tonight, sweetie. Just try to sleep._

And he would somehow manage to sleep, while his best friend, his lover, was angry with him and maybe dying in an alley, and _Oh god, I let it go there, again. Stupid douchebag brain!_

"Pickle? Piiiiiiickle?"

He snapped back to reality. He was greeted with 5 pairs of eyes, their expressions concerned under a mask of feigned indifference. He shifted uncomfortably under the intense scrutiny.

"Dude, you were just sitting there smiling like an idiot for a while, and then you got all upset and far out and stuff."

"Oh, uh, sahrry Nat'en."

"Oh Pickle, she's comins here! To Mordhaus! Oh boy I can't waits to sees Amber again. We was friends as kids. She was de one whats gives to me Deddy bear!"

"..Theats cool, Toki."

"You are beings exiteds, too, Ja?"

" Heh. Yeah I am. She was great, a real riot to be around."

Charles chose that time to conclude the meeting.

"Well, with that announcement out of the way, I bid you good day. Oh, and she'll be here tomorrow." with that, Charles left.


	2. Chapter 2: The world of Dethklok

**A/N: Wooo, I've been busy lately. Stupid life, I have no time for internetz. Lol what am I doing. Anyway, enjoi chapter 2. **

* * *

"Miss Sandvik has arrived, my Lords." The klokateer that had led her to the room disappeared silently.

She Stepped into the room, brushing snow off of herself, wearing a black pullover hoodie and dark blue skinny jeans, with black knee-high boots. Her hair was dyed a dark auburn and her eyes had the same diagonal streak of blue.

She waved and smiled a sweet, Charming smile. She spoke in perfect, unaccented English. "Hello, everyone." She walked immediately to Charles. "Hey Charlie," She said. Dethklok's jaws dropped to the floor when he grinned and pulled her into a hug, grabbing her waist and spinning her around in the air before putting her down. She cast a brown gaze at the awestruck members of Dethklok and smiled.

Toki immediately wrapped her up in a hug of his own, smiling when she giggled. He kissed each of her cheeks once, and she returned the gesture.

"Toki? It's been so long! I haven't seen you since Norway! How have you been?"

"Hiya Ambers, I been greats, you looks gorgekous by de ways. Ams you a models now or somet'ings?" He winked.

"Takk, Toki. And actually, yes I am a model." He locked his arm in her's, and led them to Pickles.

"Hey there Red, nice dreads."

"Hey dere, sweet cheeks. Heeeyyy yer accent's gone." He pulled her into a hug and she slapped his butt playfully. She plucked one scarlet dreadlock and laid it across her upper lip like a mustache. He laughed and pulled away to make introductions.

"Amber, these are the guys. This is Nat'an Explosion, and William Murderface, and-"

"I ams Skwisgaar Skwigelf, it ams very nice to meets you." He took her small, slender hand and kissed it. "You ams Norwegian, Ja?"

"Thanks fer interruptin, douchebag."

"Yes, I am. I assume you're Swedish?" When he nodded, she continued. "_Thank you for the warm welcome, Mister Skwigelf._" Amber looked straight up at the man's face. When they had said taller than a tree, they weren't kidding. She was pretty tall for a woman, at 5'10" (and two inches taller than Pickles), but this guy freaking _towered_ over her.

"_Please, call me Skwisgaar. No need for formality._" Skwisgaar caught Ofdensen's eye, and smirked at the daggers that the bespectacled man was boring through his skull. But Amber had walked over to Nathan and Murderface to introduce herself. Ofdensen made his way to Skwisgaar.

"Don't try_ anything,_ Skwisgaar."

"Ja, Ja. Whatevers, robots-man."

Skwisgaar looked up and saw Toki with his arm looped firmly in Amber's, saying "Skwisgaar is ams dick. He am just a big dumb whore dildo jerk whats sleeps with sluts all day and brags. Follows me, I shows you around."

While Amber got a tour from Toki, the other four members of Dethklok were in the rec room, sitting in the hot tub, when the subject of Amber was brought up.

"Scho Pickles, how exchactly did you meet thisch lovely lady, ah, Amber?"

"Ohhh, dis is a good one. Well, I met her on a bus to L.A, don't remember where."

* * *

_ knock knock knock. _Sixteen year old Pickles woke, dazed. he looked up from the very last seat on the bus, at a gas station somewhere in the middle of nowhere, USA. _knock knock knock._ he turned around, to the door on the back of the bus. There stood a girl, with long Honey coloured hair, a bruised and dirty face, and a slate blue streak crossing one of her large, brown eyes. She signaled him to open the back door, and he complied. She slid into the seat beside him, just as the driver returned from getting gas. She spoke in heavily accented English.

"T'ank you."

"No prahblem, dood. You talk weird, where ya from?"

"Lillehammer, Norway. Ands you?"

"Tomahawk, Wiscahnsin. My name's Pickles." the confused look she gave him was one he'd remember for years to come.

"Your name... Is Pickle? Like de foods, Pickle?"

"Well, I had a buddie back in Tomahawk who called me Red, cause of my hair, so you can call me that I guess."

"Red. Okays, dats easier. I am Amber."

They talked for hours on end, about their lives, where they were going, where they came from, what they wanted to do, immediately clicking. By the end of the first night, a new friendship had blossomed. By the end of the second day, they had an agreement. When they reached L.A, he would help her get an education and a career, and she would help him become famous.

They got a crappy, run down apartment and got Pickles a guitar. Amber feigned being 18 to work at a club as a bartender/waitress while Pickles found a band, and she worked on

her English, to open more doors educationally.

One night, Amber saw three men sitting in a booth at the back of the small club she was working at. Facing her, were two men. A purple-haired man, with distinctly Italian features, wore a shiny black top hat and held a green bass guitar. The man next to him had teased brunette tresses and dark skin. He was currently playing his guitar unplugged, and she could faintly hear the tinny sound from where she stood. The one that wasn't facing her had bleach-blonde wavy hair and brandished a pair of drumsticks that he was currently using to poke the top hat off of the first man's head. Another person sat next to him, with long brown hair pulled back into a ponytail. The guitarist and him were engaged in conversation, and soon, the other two men shot each other an 'uh-oh' look and tuned in. She took her tray of drinks and crossed to the table she needed to deliver them to, conveniently next to the booth the musicians sat at. She put on her best waitress smile and handed out drinks. Faintly, she heard.

"I'm sorry, bro. We just can't have you in the band anymore, Randy."

"Yeah, man, this is way too much."

"Whatever, I don't need you guys. This band would be /nothing/ without me, and you know it. Have a nice life, you fuckin talentless assholes." with that, he walked out. One man yelled after him.

"You can't sing worth shit, dude! You won't get anywhere!"_ He's a singer. In a band. This is too perfect!_ Amber thought in her native tongue.

"Great. He wasn't supposed to know until we found another guy!"

"I know, Tony, but he saw the ad! How were we supposed to know he actually _reads_ the goddamned newspaper? The guy only has, what, 6 brain cells?"

"Yeah, man. It shouldn't take too long to find another singer. Snizzy saw that one guy, the other day, that was pretty good."

She turned to the three men at the table, and in her lightly- accented English, asked. "Excuse me, but you said you were looking for a singer, ja?"

The blonde man gave her a smile and answered "Yeah, we just lost our vocalist. Do you know anybody?"

"Yes, I do. A friend of mine has been lookings for a band for a while now." it was the man with the top hat who spoke next.

"If he's any good, tell him to give us a call, alright hun?" he quickly scrawled a number on a napkin and handed it to her. "I'm Tony Dimarco." he gestured to the brunette man beside him "This is Snizzy Snazz Bullets, and blondie over there is Sammy Candynose Twinskins."

"Nice to be meeting you. I am Amber Sandvik. Now, can I gets you boys anyt'ing to drink?"

* * *

Amber entered the small apartment she shared with Pickles late that night, closing the door softly behind her. She was startled to see Pickles awake, huddled on the couch with a large blanket.

"Pickle! I founds somet'ing you might like!"

He raised an eyebrow at her. "Yeah?" She recounted the nights events to Pickles, who grinned, emerald eyes lighting up like fireworks.

"That's amazing! What are the fuckin odds? Get over here, you crazy foreign motherfucker!" He pulled her into a hug, smiling.

"What's theat thing you guys do? You know, to say 'hi' and 'good job, douchebeag' or whatever?" She kissed each of his cheeks lightly with her soft lips, and he returned the gesture. He couldn't believe it! He was on the brink of giving up and finding a job like a regular jackoff, but if this band liked him, he wouldn't have to. She slipped a napkin into his hand. He gave her a questioning look, one scarlet eyebrow raised.

"De phone numbers is on dere, dumbass." she took it, unfolded it, and held it in front of his face.

"Oh, heh, sahrry sweet cheeks."

In a little over a month, they were one big, pphappy, albeit dysfunctional, family. Tony, Sammy, and Bullets had taken to Pickles and Amber from the start, and eventually they all shared one slightly bigger crappy, run-down apartment. Even after Snakes n Barrels hit it big, Amber had managed to be there, although they weren't as close as they'd been. They still drank together and partied together, and Amber saw the occasional show. During their second big tour, they had drifted far apart. But during their third (and final) Pickles and Amber were closer than ever, with Amber attempting to pick up the pieces of Pickles' shattered relationship with Tony, and Pickles attempting to salvage Snakes n Barrels, unsuccessfully. When Amber got into college, Pickles gave up and sought heavier music.

* * *

"Lame. Snakes n Barrels sucks, dude."

"Yes, Nat'en, but I'm in Dethklak now."

"Whatever. They still fucking suck."

"Well if ya didn't wanna hear about it why'd ya ask me to tell the goddamned story?" Amber entered the room silently, with a much louder Toki in tow. While Pickles and Nathan argued, the remaining members of Dethklok turned to the two Norwegians standing outside the hot tub.

"Do they do this often?" Amber asked. The pudgy, triangle haired man answered her. _No wonder they call him Murderface_

"It'sch juscht a loversch schpat. They'll get over it. Juscht give it a few schecondsch."

"Well it's not my fault that Snakes n' Barrels' music sucks and you're an asshole!"

"Whatever Nat'en. I said I'm _done wit' dat_, okie?"

"I hope I never have to break up a fistfight between those two. Pickles may be small, but he's a vicious little shit. I bet Nathan could pick him up by the fuckin scruff of his neck, though, and just throw him all the way across the room. They ever fought before?"

Skwisgaar laughed. "Ja, once or twice dey be fightingks. Pickle hits some and brokes Nat'an's nose but Nat'ans won."

"Schpeaking of which, Ofdenshen shaid you could kick our assches. Can you?" All 5 Dethklok members had tuned into the conversation by now.

"Maaaaaybe." She rocked back and forth on her heels, stifling a smile. The only one that would be remotely difficult would be Toki, but the guy was rock hard muscle and ran like like the freakin' wind. Nathan looked like a former football player, and might have posed a challenge a few years ago (and a few cheeseburgers ago, by the looks of it), muscled but out of shape. Skwisgaar was tall, but looked to have very little muscle and she could put him on the ground with a flick of one wrist. Pickles was smaller than her, but had some fight in him. Only once had he ever managed to pin her on the floor, but she had been completely hammered and working on a new bottle of Jack Daniels, and had little control of her actions. Murderface was badly out of shape. It would be easy for her to just push him the hell over and... Wait. Why was she thinking about this? She was supposed to protect these guys!

"Care to demonschtrate?"

"Uh... I probably shouldn't." 5 man-children were now at her heels.

"Aw, come on!"

"Do it, Amber, show these douchebeags what ya can do!"

"Fine, Fine. Who wants to do this?" When nobody stood to the challenge, she sighed.

"No one? Really? Come on, guys."

From the small horde of metal musicians, a deep Swedish accent reached her ears.

"Well we don'ts feel comfortables hittingks such a lovely lady what's not a groupie."

"I can take a hit. Pickles, how about you? We used to fight like this all the time!"

"Okie, let's do this." Pickles walked up to Amber and pulled a fist- **CRASH!** The door burst open, gunshots ringing out through the room. Dethklok hit the floor, covering their heads. The rogue klokateer was throwing down his now-empty pistol in favor of one of the many weapons that lined the walls. Within a nanosecond Amber was on him. Before dethklok knew what was happening, The invader was pinned unconscious on the floor with Amber's booted heel pressing on his throat.

"s/Holy shit./s"

"Jesusch."

"Oh wowee!"

"What's going on in here?!" Charles entered with a few klokateers, all brandishing guns. The klokateers rushed to the scene, some checking dethklok for injuries and others aiming their guns at the unconscious man on the floor.

Amber grinned. "I still got it, Charlie." Charles motioned for Amber to back off, and She took a place next to Toki, who was standing protectively close to Skwisgaar. She noticed he had one hand on the small of Skwisgaar's back, rubbing small circles there. It slowly slid down and entered one dark grey pocket. _Toki's gay? __**Skwisgaar**__ is gay? No. That can't be. I know people who've slept with both of them before. Are they fucking? That's new. Must be bisexual. I wonder if the other guys know. Probably not._

"Take care of him. I'll be down to see him later." Charles instructed. Two klokateers grabbed his arms and dragged him out of the room. Nathan looked over at Amber.

"That was pretty fuckin brutal."

"It's nothing. The guy was an idiot, anyway."

"So... You guys wanna go get drunk?"

* * *

"All my friends are Indians!" Pickles belted out the lyrics in his growling voice.

"All my friends are brown and red!" Amber's alto tone followed.

"Spoonsman!" Toki followed along with whatever lyrics he could salvage.

"All my friendsch are skeletonsch!" Murderface sang, well, I'd you could call it singing.

"They beats de rhyddum wit dey's bones!"

"GUYS!" Nathan bellowed through the music, " This is so NOT METAL!"

"It doesn'ts matter, it's fun!" Amber yelled, surprisingly competent, although her English was worse than normal, for someone with a blood alcohol level as high as hers. As Pickles began drumming with spoons, Toki grabbed Skwisgaar's hands and took him to the center of the rec room. Skwisgaar grinned drunkenly, and nodded his head towards the door, but Toki shook his head and dipped Skwisgaar, accidentally dropping him. Skwisgaar glared up at Toki.

"Shits, Sorries Skwisgaar. I's, fucks. _I'm too damn drunk for English. The fuckers talk like ducks for shit's sake!_"

Skwisgaar and Amber burst into fits of laughter, holding onto each other drunkenly while Toki stumbled to the table for his bottle.

"QUAAAAAACK!" Skwisgaar yelled in Pickles' face, and the three Scandinavians just laughed harder, faces red and flushed, rolling on the floor. Nathan bellowing laughter filled the room.

"Did he.. Did he just fucking... Quack?! What the fuck dude?"

Toki's chirpy voice cut through it all.

" Is, is because, de Anglish, it ams beingk soundingks... Fucks."

"Is sounds like de ducks talking!" Amber finished, and Scandinavian laughter filled the room once more, while the three Americans looked on in confusion.

"What ya makin fun of, douchebeags, your language sounds like birds!" Pickles and Murderface were playing a drinking game. Every time Amber made a mistake with her English, they would take a shot.

"At least our language makes de sense! You's is so confusing!" Toki trilled. Skwisgaar had left and Toki was slowly making his way over to the remaining 5 drunkards.

"Screw this, I'm going to bed." Nathan staggered out the doorway, dropping His bottle of Absolut on the floor on his way out.

"I... Goingks to do de beds too." Toki left, tripping and falling on his face once or twice.

Murderface was slumped on the table, Snoring loudly.

"Dat's... Really gross." Amber made a face at the sleeping bass player and, using an empty bottle , poked him in the head, giggling. That left her and Pickles.

"Heeey Amber," Pickles slurred, remember that song we used to sing all the time?"

"Ja.. A shots t'rough de heart! And you're to blame!" Pickles joined in now, "Darling' you give love a bad name!" With one last swig of Tequila, Pickles passed out into the floor. Amber rolled him onto his side and stumbled through the doorway. She staggered up the stairs and around the corner where her new room was, along with Toki's and Skwisgaar's. She heard her own native language and another very close to it. B_Swedish? _

"_Ohhh, Skwisgaar! Ja, Faster! Hnnngh.._"

"_You're so fucking tight, Toki, ahhh.._"

She peered in through the door they had, stupidly, left open. Toki was partially sitting, legs hooked atop Skwisgaar's shoulders as he drove himself into the other man. One of Toki's hands was behind him, steadying himself against the headboard of Toki's twin bed. the other was between his legs, thumbing the slick head of his- _Dear Odin that's big! No wonder Skwisgaar's on top! That thing would tear his skinny ass to pieces! So they are fucking. Huh. Why am I watching this again?_

Amber closed the door silently and made her way into her own room, slumping in her bed and immediately drifting off.


End file.
